Your family will spend the first week after your death making phone calls, hunting for account numbers, and guessing at passwords. A letter of instruction is the document that ends the guessing. It has no legal force and doesn't replace a will, but for many families it's the single most useful thing you leave behind.
What Is a Letter of Instruction?
A letter of instruction is a plain-language note, written by you, that tells the people handling your affairs what to do and where to look. It's sometimes called a "letter of last instruction" or an "in case of death" file. There's no required format and no court involved. You can write it by hand, type it, or fill in a template — what matters is that it exists and that your family knows where to find it.
It typically covers four things: who to contact first, where your money and paperwork are, what you want for a funeral or memorial, and any instructions that don't fit neatly into a legal document — like which relative gets the fishing gear or who should give the eulogy.
How Is It Different From a Will?
A will is a legal document. It goes through probate, distributes property, and can be contested in court. A letter of instruction has none of that authority — no court will enforce it, and if it conflicts with your will, the will wins. Think of the will as the legal instrument and the letter of instruction as the practical roadmap that sits next to it.
That distinction matters because families often confuse the two and assume writing a will covers everything. It doesn't. A will typically says nothing about which funeral home you prefer, where your online banking passwords are stored, or that your DD-214 is in the second drawer of the file cabinet. For guidance specifically on funeral preferences, see How to Write Down Your Funeral Wishes So Your Family Can Find Them.
What Should Go in a Letter of Instruction?
Most letters of instruction cover the same core categories. The table below is a starting checklist — not every item applies to every household.
| Category | What to Include | Why It Matters |
|---|---|---|
| Key contacts | Spouse, adult children, executor, attorney, clergy, employer (if still working) | Family needs to know who to call first, and in what order |
| Accounts and bills | Banks, mortgage, credit cards, auto-pay subscriptions, insurance policies | Prevents missed payments and duplicate cancellations |
| Funeral and burial wishes | Burial vs. cremation, preferred cemetery, service style, obituary notes | Reduces guesswork and disagreement among relatives |
| Military and VA paperwork | DD-214 location, VA claim numbers, service dates | Needed to claim burial and survivor benefits |
| Digital access | Password manager location, email accounts, social media instructions | Modern estates increasingly live online |
| Safe deposit box or safe | Location, key location, box number | Physical documents are useless if no one can reach them |
Keep the letter updated. An account you closed three years ago or a funeral home that's since closed just adds confusion.
Where Should You Keep Your VA and Military Paperwork?
Your DD-214 (or equivalent discharge document) is one of the most important papers in the file, because it's what proves eligibility for burial in a VA national cemetery, a government headstone or marker, burial flag, and related benefits. According to the VA, families requesting a deceased veteran's service records need either a death certificate or a letter from a funeral home, on top of the veteran's identifying information — see VA Military Service Records. If your family doesn't know where your DD-214 is, or can't find it in time, the National Cemetery Scheduling Office can sometimes help locate it, but that adds delay at the worst possible moment.
Your letter of instruction should state, in plain terms, exactly where this paperwork is: a folder, a fireproof box, a filing cabinet drawer. If your discharge papers were replaced or updated at any point — for example, after a discharge upgrade — note that too. For veterans who left service with less than a full DD-214, see What Is a DD-93, and What Replaces It After You Leave the Military?.
If your family can't locate your discharge papers at all, they can request replacement copies through the National Archives using the eVetRecs online tool or by mailing Standard Form 180 — but plan on that taking time your family may not have during an active burial claim.
What Belongs in the Financial and Account Section?
List every account by institution name, not just "checking account." Include life insurance policies (private and any VA-administered coverage like VGLI), pensions, Social Security, debts, and recurring bills. If burial costs are a concern for your household, it's worth reading Are VA Burial Benefits Enough to Skip Life Insurance? to understand what VA burial payments do and don't cover, since the letter of instruction is where you'd note any burial insurance or final-expense policy details for your family to find.
Don't put account passwords in a letter stored somewhere insecure. A better approach: note that a password manager exists and where the master password or hint is kept, rather than writing every password out in a document that might sit in a drawer for years.
What to Do About It
Write the letter now, not after a diagnosis. Store it somewhere your spouse or executor can access immediately — not exclusively in a bank safe deposit box, since those are often sealed or hard to access right after a death. A fireproof home safe, a folder with your will, or a copy with your executor all work.
Tell at least one person where it is. A letter no one can find helps no one. Review it once a year or after any major change — a new account, a move, a new grandchild you want mentioned, updated funeral wishes.
Finally, treat it as a living document, not a one-time task. Cross out what's outdated, add what's new, and date each revision so your family knows they're reading the current version.